Rejected in Heaven, rejected in hell

This story was told to me by a friend,a friend who went to a catholic seminary and refused to be ordained a priest. He is now a principal natural human inseminator in kenya.
There was this young man who decided to remain celibate while alive. he stayed so in the hope that the preachings he had heard would come true. That while you may lack on earth,you will receive much more in heaven.
He died a 55 years old horny man. He was really horny. On his way to heaven, he could only fantasize of how it would be. He would be welcomed by the angels,be shown the most beautiful virgins in heaven...he imagined of massages, of unaldulterated love making,surely if people worked so hard for it on earth,claimed it was sweet,then imagine it in the context of heaven.It would be a heaven within heaven.
He arrived at Heavens gate in quite a jolly mood. St. peter welcomed him, "welcome, i see you are very happy to get here". The man whom we shall call Dick, replied," Ohh yes peter, I cant wait to get in". St Peter Smiled and let him in.
Dick walked with a swagger,he felt like the king..oh yes he did. As he was walking along St. John Gold paved street , he heard a very soft voice singing..the voice held such joy that,Dick could not help but increase his pace towards the singing. He entered a room and found an angel,she was so beautiful. Dicks voice disappeared in his stomach..he just walked towards her ,eyes ablaze,his penis triple the size he got on earth while watching Kenyans in action. He used to pay a hundred for each tribe DVD in sexual action. he liked them as at least they spoke dirty kiswahili..moaned.and screamed. The screams were realistic..as those that he heard from his neighbour's house whenever the wife was not around.
He could almost not believe his luck.God really loved him...A beautiful Virgin on his first day? He went to her,his breath laboured, kissed her,and started fondling her... Mary the Virgin,screamed with horror..Had peter Unknowingly opened the gate for the wrong person??? All the saints came running,screams were unheard of in heaven. Dick was almost raping her. They took Dick off her and enquired what was wrong with him. He explained his case. The Village security committee of St.John street protested, there was no sex in heaven. And Dick requested to be sent to Hell if only for a few days so he could at least have some sex.
In hell he found beautiful ones as well. It was so hot in hell that everyone walked nude there. The fire was always big, the inhabitants of hell were used to the heat. They welcomed Dick and took him for an orientation tour around hell. When they got to where the fire was, there were many beautiful women who were keeping the fire alive. the blew into it and added more firewood. They were bent. And they spoke Swahili. Dick requested that he be allowed to assist them for a while. so Dick seduced the ladies..he had sex with all ,all the time. He was had already left earth where there was HIV...so it was Nyama kwa Nyama.They enjoyed...he enjoyed. He got so into it that he interfered with their work. whenever any bent to add firewood or blow,he got into her from behind. The fire started dying....it started being cold,the inhabitants called their boss (Satan) and demanded that Dick be expelled from hell.
Satan ,with a shaking voice(he was shivering as the fire was out),called St peter and asked that they take Dick back to heaven. Peter refused and Satan threw dick out. He is now suspended between heaven and hell...but none wants him...

I asked my friend the moral of the story and he said...That explains why i quit /refused to be ordained...why miss what is on earth only to miss it in heaven too?
Damn..he made sense.
Dear friend am sorry i told this story..but you will forgive me anyway..how is life treating you...